i’ve done quite a lot of bloghopping recently and i discovered that it’s quite common with people my age. you know, the style of blabbing endlessly with “my day’s sooo fun” or “my day sucked” posts then stopping abruptly, saying that it’s either too tiring or there were no sufficient inspiration to continue doing so. then a few days later, posts come back, on a roll, as if nothing happened.
so yeah, it’s pretty common; more like a disease that afflicts less passionate bloggers yet more eccentric personalities.
however, more than that quote disease unquote, i am inclined to think that this is because i am weeks short of stepping into my quarterlife. it’s been brought up a few times but the defining moment, so to speak, came when a good friend casually mentioned it as we pretend to finish our remaining congressionals for the day.
i’ll be 25 in january. it’s nothing to be panicky about, and it’s quite absurd to make a big deal out of it. i’ll be 25, yes, but it also means more people will be getting older as well.
or yeah right, easy for others to say so because they’re past it already.
maybe this is it, some classic manifestation of restlessness, confusion, drama (which is often unnecessary), envy, insecurity and bliss (sometimes felt all at the same time).
soon there will spring such questions (to myself) as:
- why does she appear happier with her job?
- why is he married and has kids?
- why can she party that way and i can’t?
- why am i still single?
- why do so-and-so get annoying as time goes by?
- why do i feel so stupid?
- why can’t i get enough of Friends, Spongebob Squarepants and Tigger?
- why can’t i have a baby?
- why do i want to grab him and do slutty things to him?
- why do i like him in the first place?
- why do i want to be left alone?
…and a bazillion more questions. some say it’s the start of the real path to aging gracefully. however, i have this contention that you turn 25 and it’s gonna be a fast trip to midlife. like in a snap you’ll be 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31…and they will go swiftly it’s as if only 24 hours has passed. then before you know it, you worry about assessing your self-worth, your market value (in the marriage business index), and the sound of your biological clock ticking like a north korean nuclear bomb (uhm do nuclear bombs tick? do all bombs tick? see, i’m 24 and i don’t know these things!). honestly, i have yet to feel any indication that entering your quarterlife feels more like a graceful uphill climb.
so basically it’s a rather rotten version of finding yourself where you focus more on the negative side of it instead of being hopeful for the things to come. like, “yay, i’ll be 25 and soon enough i can start my own family, have kids, slow down with work and just polish my skills in cooking and organizing bazaars!”
it’s so stepfordish! like it’s easy to snag all the things you ought to be having when you go on with life after 25.
i’m slowly exiting the phase where i still have a license to be innocent and be excused from accountability. im no longer the “baby”, i’m no longer the “youngest” in the group, and soon enough i’m expected to be acting like this (i don’t even know what and how it should be, drat)— and i will be stumped because i don’t know how to do it. it’s like you wanna ask yourself, “did i really sign up for this when i was pushed out of my mother’s cervix? can i just be the way i am?”
oh well, this wouldn’t end. for one, self-deprecation is on top of my favorite hobbies. anyway, i just have to probably live with the mantra that GROWING OLD IS MANDATORY BUT GROWING UP IS OPTIONAL (i don’t know where it’s from, but if you coined it and you happen to be reading this, thank you for this brilliant sentence).
(i still dread getting to the quarterlife zone. so expect more annoying mood swings ahead.) 😦