Emotionally dying, I mean. I was surprised with my male friends who are so emotionally distraught lately. They actually came to me (which I know is only as part of their “support group”, I don’t want to take much credit for it).
The emo sphere has been female territory, at least in my circle, for the longest time. That’s why when a friend suddenly bombarded me with heartbreak outpourings, I cannot do anything but play the friend-slash-adviser- dice. One was left by a girlfriend after she fell in love with a man whom she met just a month ago. They tried to work it out, and I remember cheering them on, but one morning, it’s done and gone. I became busy assessing what stage of grief he was in, and we argued over the stages because he would say that he’s feeling all the stages at the same time. At this point, whether he admits it or not, he’s at the ANGER stage and I have a list of reasons to believe so.
The other one actually just asked me for job vacancies and the outpouring was incidental. Gosh, the last time we really talked, passing the UPCAT is the best thing that could happen to our lives. Now, he’s gotten married, had kids, and has separated from his wife. All of that, while I’m still like this: direction-less, clueless, dry. Anyway, it was quite like the same problem, wife left him for another man; an ex-boyfriend actually. And she left their kids with him.
I am not a hard core feminist and I always tend to judge relationships by the kind of persons involved, not what their genders are. As much as there are assholes we call men, there are extreme bitches we call women. That is why in every relationship forensics I do on my friends, I always look at the situation through the kind of persons involved.
With my recent heartbreak “cases”, both men have asked me how come there are women like that? I countered, No, it should be, how come there are people like that?
And taking a cue from, ahem, Jennifer Aniston, I also told them that even if they think it’s 98% the women’s fault, it’s still 2% theirs, so we have to focus on that. If they’re convinced that they can already move on, they can go ahead. Yeah, I actually used the same advice. I just hope it helps them.
A week ago, another male friend called me about Drs. Cameron and Chase (in House) getting into a non-committal sexual relationship. I was about to cartwheel because of his epiphany of sorts that it happens and it is possible (where would you base TV characters anyway?). Then, he said he cannot afford another heartbreak or rejection or some crappy term like that when I said I know someone who does it, and if he’s interested to meet her (I’m such a natural pimp, so good that it doesnt work when I do it to myself).
This is why I am really scared of relationships. Nothing is permanent, and even if people work on it, the odds of one person working harder than the other are very high. I say a lot of crap about falling in love and giving everything but hell, it only looks good in blog entries! I am even more scared of relationships than lightning, boas or tarantulas.
In my last calculation, I will be debt-free by October of 2008. That is, if I can resist loaning/renewing an old loan from the credit cooperative until then. IF. Big big IF. Wow, I’m really living in the real world.
I lost my face a long time ago to my reliable financier, my mother. I have come to a very low point of borrowing a hundred bucks from her to pull me through. Like today. I promised to pay her by Thursday, to which she said, “Ang dami mo nang utang sa akin…” that I mentally totaled my recent loans to about 4,000 pesos until she finished the sentence with, “Three million na.”
Sometimes, I simply cannot get over my love for my mother.
Operation:Clearing in this overly sophisticated area of San Andres Bukid is done. This means Skycable successfully replaced cable wire connections with a stupid thing they call a *drumroll* digital box. Simply put, illegal cable connections will be impossible (yeah, right) because cable channels will now be from the *drumroll* digital box, which services one television only. We were guilty of using one cable connection for our two television sets before. But hello, that rule totally sucks. I don’t think they will lose tons by making a household pay for one cable fee for two or three television sets. It’s still within the same household! And we bear the brunt of having sub-standard receptions by sharing one connection anyway. I believe they should give that option to subscribers…if some would like to pay extension fees for similar, standard reception on all their TVs, then go for it. But for us people who do not need hi-res shit, give it to us, too.
Anyway, it’s still a lost cause because paying 2000 pesos for a *drumroll* digital box is the only solution for my TV up here to be “cabled”, too. Ah, never mind. I hate the box. It’s slow. And drat, I don’t need to play tetris on TV, I mean, whoever put that feature in there?
Under the weather
I’ve been ill since Friday night, and it didn’t help that it’s that time of the month. Back in the days, I would resign myself to a total pig lifestyle because I need to rest. This time, I know I cannot afford to do it because the harsh expectations of my adult life are screaming at me. I never fully understood how it is to be dependent on painkillers and decongestants but now, yeah baby, I know.
I cannot access my livejournal here at home. Any LJ account I go to is working okay so I don’t know what seems to be the problem this time. Everytime I try to go to mine, this appears:
Then I have no choice but to close it. Uhm, help, anyone?
Starting tomorrow, our team’s office hours would be from 6:30 to 3:30. Actually, I’m expected to do a 7-4, unless one staff is out and I have to step in. Anyway, it’s still an overwhelming change, even if it’s just an hour earlier. This time, we’re even part and parcel of the other team’s tasks. It goes without saying that “Other tasks as required” in our job description occupies almost 50% of our daily tasks now.
You know what, I stopped thinking of how much chaos it’s gonna bring to us. Maybe not chaos, but a whole lot of load than we already have. It’s really that overwhelming that I stopped complaining anymore. This coming week, I’ll be working 12-14 hour days, except on Tuesday (because of the reception) and Wednesday (a holiday, which will see me in UP though). I desperately wish that my masochist tendencies reach its highest level so I will be productive in this set-up.
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