tough choices. blah relatives.

It irks me so much when relatives impose on an in-law. In this case, someone’s daughter-in-law had to be advised to send money to her ill mother in Bicol.

Wait, that’s not the whole story.

See, money was the main problem. They’re really poor, okay, but not that poor. Anyway, they all opined that the little money she has, instead of using it to get to Naga, would be more useful if she sends it through her sister. Practical, yes, but I totally felt bad. I felt I have to speak up so I did. I don’t want to think that I had something to do with it, but she was ultimately allowed to go to her mother anyway.

Her mother is already in a coma. It could be, heaven forbid, her last time to see her mother. She should not be deprived of that chance. There is money anyway. The issue is just how to use it. My mother, the moody person that she has become since all this menopause brouhaha, seconded that ill advice. I asked her what would she feel if she’s dying *knocks on wood*, and because I’m too cash-strapped and in a far province, I wouldn’t try to see her for the last time, and instead I would just send her money?

Believe me, the “Hindi naman yan gagaling kahit pumunta ka” reasoning makes me lose my cool, all the time.

I was very fortunate that I am not as financially-strained as most people but I know how my cousin-in-law feels.

I decided to send my Dad money that fateful Friday, not because he didn’t have his own, but because the fact that I did send him that amount would make him go to the hospital “for posterity sake”.

That night, my father died.

Since it has only been less than a year, moments come to me when I hear my niece again breaking the news that Daddy died. That images of a hospital, even on TV shows, would bring me back to that rainy night at the morgue when I touched Daddy and he was still warm, unable to believe that he’s really gone.

I sometimes wish I didn’t ask someone to send the money. I should have went to him personally and asked him to go to the hospital (he’s stubborn like me so he just wouldn’t go— he eventually did but the pain in his chest was already terrible, doctors said that he’s been having an attack since morning, anyway I digress). Many people say we were all spared from more pain because we didn’t see him die. Or that he didn’t breathe his last in our arms. Yes, they’re right in a way, but sometimes, I wish I was there.

So anyway, I hate them my know-it-all relatives for suggesting that. I just hope her mother gets better.

Categories: Citizen Judie, Reflective Judie

3 replies

  1. @ Pearl and Betty – thanks for your comments. sadly, her mother passed away last wednesday and thankfully she had her last chance to make her love felt by her mom, as they have been apart for years.

    Betty, thanks for dropping by also! God bless you and your family always. 🙂

  2. We have our own choices to make. But one shouldnt feel guilty just because one wasnt around when somebody dies.

    We have our way of showing people we care and love them even if we are not around.

    I was away here in Singapore when my mom passed away. I have several brothers and sisters in manila and the fact that I know my mom was dying way back months away did not reall make me decide to pack my bags and stay beside her in manila when I have a family here.

    As long as you have shown your love,respect and being filial when the loved one was still around it doesnt really matter whether you were able to be by their side when they pass away.

  3. i agree with you. in situations like that, one shouldn’t think twice about being there with her loved one. i don’t think i can bear the pain of knowing that i wasn’t there to say goodbye. lalo na pag nanay mo yun. hindi ko yata kaya na hindi makita mom ko kahit simpleng sakit lang. when my mom had her operation for myoma 4 years ago, i went to the hospital to visit her. lalo na kayo someday pag dumating na sa point na ganun. *knock on wood*. i understand you. when it comes to things like that, you won’t get another chance. there won’t be a next time to correct the wrong things that you did. iisipin mo na lang na sana you did this and you said that.

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