I was in Robinson’s a while ago when an Arab guy walked beside me and talked to me. Since my jologs earphones were blaring in my ears, I only made out the word Robinson’s from his sentence. I thought he was asking if it’s the supermarket of Robinson’s when he suddenly asked me if I work in Makati. I said no then started to walk away. He walked faster to catch up with me and next thing I knew, he was asking me if I would like to work in Dubai and he’s shoving his business card in my face. I politely said, No, thank you, and sped away to Powerbooks. I didn’t even look back.
I don’t know what M.O. it was but the very first thing that came to mind then was, Do I show THAT face? That face that screams, I am dissatisfied, and I need and want more?
Funny because as Eise and I walked to the office main gate, she casually asked me if I have felt what she’s going through now— not knowing what to do with life, resorting to directionless, sometimes pointless decisions, and other things out of utter confusion. I told her I am there. Smack-dab in the middle of it. That’s the very essence of quarterlife, I guess.
So, instead of thinking that some pervert was out to get me in Robinson’s (and that becomes annoying through time, really. I get approached by strangers asking me different questions, one even offerred me 1M pesos if I can help them get inside my office compound to fix veteran social security claims– did I tell you about this, T?), I just thought that it was a wake up call of sorts that yes, it’s showing. My tendency to refuse to appreciate what I have completely, always thinking of the could-have-beens out there. I know I already said it in the past years, and I’m going to say it again. Okay, granted that I don’t really like what I do now, what, then, would I like to do instead?
My honest answer?
I DON’T KNOW.
In the meantime, I just bask in this gift of trust that was afforded me for the past four years. Even if I get hassled by sudden business trips that leave me shelling out money (which will be reimbursed a MONTH after pa— hay naku) and coming back to work after a business trip with all these tasks that you don’t remember signing up for but is already in black and white so you can’t say no. If I push my “Be positive” button, these incidents only mean that my colleagues trust me enough to do something of importance. Not everyone gets sent to business trips and it’s a good thing for us because, well, you get to travel and even if it’s harder to move around because you don’t have your office props with you, just a stack of photocopied handouts which clients don’t bother to read, you receive per diem allowances that you would not get from working M-F, 8-5. As regards the tasks, at least among all the talented, creative, outrageously funny people in your whole section, they thought of you to do something, and they thought of it while you were out there in the field. Ultimate pa-consuelo na yun. Among many other good things.
♀ ♀ ♀
Reminders to self – I eat almost nothing one day then eat too much the next day. No wonder my tummy hurts very badly.
– I met up with my college barkada because one of them squeezed in a three-week break from her busy life in Reno, NV to catch up with us. I was ready to go crazy when their updates were laid on the table.
– We slaved (especially E) for our Halloween decor contest entry but diplomatic as the judges were, all of us got special awards. No real sole winner. Not that we’re expecting to win because the other entries gave us something to be worried about, but deep inside, we all knew we stood a very good chance.
– My social calendar is filling up but I may not have enough money to cover them all. Ang pretentious kasi, akala mo si Paris Hilton, hahaha!!!
– Studio 60. Brothers & Sisters. Gossip Girl. House. All ♥.
^ Now I have an online reminder of what to senselessly type about when I log in again. It could be tomorrow night, it could be next month. Even I don’t know.