Saturday, still not moving

They say that you ought to feel ill after a flu shot. I felt it 48 hours after a shot that didn’t take a nanosecond to enter my body, thanks to our office nurse’s sharpshooting skills.

I don’t want to think my sleeping at 5 in the morning pushed it to the edge. Anyway, I was too weak to carry on with life in general, and there, ahhhhI just made a dumb excuse as to why I haven’t moved a single cell of my body to do my school requirements. This is a series of school rants, if you haven’t noticed. My mother was actually mocking me a while ago, after she gave up on the calm one-on-one sessions, to see if I really wanted to do this after all.

Since I live with her, she’s witness to how I put academic stuff behind me and then cram, panic, lash out on everyone when it’s submission time. Masama nga namang ugali yun, when I could have been a sane adult and did what’s supposed to be done during the times I was supposed to be doing them.

If I was able to watch five consecutive episodes of The West Wing even if I’m terribly ill, I could probably have started my paper as well. Pero ang bottomline is pag gusto, may paraan, pag ayaw…ayaw talaga, wag na pilitin.

See, I take pleasure from watching a show about a presidential campaign, smack dab in the middle of the primaries in the US. That’s actually what one of my classes is all about, but when I relate it to the course, nawawalan ako ng gana.

I probably don’t like studying…anymore. I just thought I do. What I want, perhaps, is learning new things without doing it for someone who will grade me after all was said and done.

I am keeping these blog entries lately, securing copies in flash drives, printing them out…para lang in the future, I’ll see if yes, I’m right, I didn’t want it all along OR I will just smile as I look back, and say, the struggle I’d been through just to get a graduate degree!

As of this hour though, the overwhelming sentiment is that I like dabbling into serious stuff (as its opposites are, say, celebrity news, fandoms, green jokes, chismis sa office, usapang crushes at mga tungkol sa love – sheesh), but I don’t like being graded nor being given deadlines to prove that I understood everything I’m interested in. I like learning at my own pace. Let’s see if this will change later. Pinagdasal ko ito, I asked for motivation, pero in truth, hindi ko na kinakaya yung struggle. Paulit-ulit ako right? Kahit ako naiinis na sa sarili ko.

Categories: Citizen Judie, Random Judie, Student Judie

4 replies

  1. Nga pala dear, im currently posting pics dun sa multiply and not in lj.

  2. haay maybe
    but if you have the desire to finish your goal, maybe we can do it.
    Kung si Marcos nga while in prison, it never became a hindrance for him to study db..
    maybe its the execution na mg-aral n mgtiis yun mahirap gawin on my part 😉

  3. i read your LJ entry. minsan i’m thinking hindi kaya normal dilemma ito ng working students? pero i don’t know, sabi dito ng officemates ko pag daw hindi ka na masaya, it may be time to re-think the situation. hay whateva!

  4. Hi Judie!
    I feel what you are feeling towards school work. I’m in the same predicament. I will blog about it. I don’t know how to start or how much adjustment should I do to make both ends meet. School and work. Alternative ba to ng mga taong single instead na namomoroblema sa kasal? haha

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