I’m officially 26 years old and very proud of it. I still dread most parts of it, especially the ones leading to the future, but everything else is rosy and bright. I spent half of my special day working, good thing I was let off by the boss early. I played the “Sir, it’s my birthday” card, and thankfully it worked, as he responded through e-mail, “Get out of here before 2:30 p.m. Leave approved.” Niiice.
Fantastic things happened and I think it’s brought by the fact that I really felt good about everything in the first place. My mother threw quite a feast for me and she knows she didn’t have to, what with her own golden year celeb in March, but she did. Love, love her!
As if it’s on a rehearsed schedule, neighbors, paternal relatives, office friends and maternal relatives came in batches, making the party an on-going thing from lunch time till around midnight. My brothers were there and one even helped with the drinks, having been a super bartender for most of his life – my office friends were raving at one of his mixed drinks until today. A sister from up north paid me a surprise visit, never mind if it’s an incidental trip. Everything was really great, and fate made it happen that way because our house cannot accomodate more than ten people at one time. Hahahaha!!!!
I saw people I haven’t seen in ages, and met relatives I’ve only heard of in family anecdotes. Mom’s favorite cousin (a contested title!) took a video of a great chunk of the gathering, and I’d really like to thank her for it. I got wonderful gifts, too!
After all that’s said and done, I am now unafraid to say I may still be clueless about some things in my life. At the end of the day, such as when I am about to sleep I ask myself if this is what makes me genuinely happy. Ironically, most of the time I feel that this is all I want for now, and the things I have are more than enough. Aging, whether it’s fast, slow or just in the right speed, would make you set your ways well, you just have to help yourself.
I can say that in light of a very recent heartbreak (and please, a heartbreak is not only about, in my case, something involving a man), I’m more secure with myself, because I know it will help me “unblurrify” (a term SF came up with just for me, hahaha!!!) my path and see the real one ahead of me. This was kicked off by a quote that affected me, which said, “You’ll never find anyone who achieved great success without a ‘give up story’. There will come a time when you will find that you too will have to give up something good if you want to achieve something better.”
My forms of grieving and wallowing over this heartbreak are keeping myself occupied with little things that I know I’m good at and more importantly, not talking about it this early.
It’s not about a man…which I’m still going to swear off from, though if a chance presents itself, I might go for it, but not without a fair assessment of my readiness. It may not be pleasant to know but I love myself more than ever and I want to stay this way for a long time. Ang sarap ng ganito, sobrang sarap.
It’s not also about my work, which believe it or not, I came to really appreciate as I go through the heartbreak. Maybe it had to take something I felt bad, frustrated, hopeful, confused and pretentious about on the same level as I did with it, or probably a higher degree of the aforementioned feelings, before it really dawned on me that my work is something I don’t have to make a problem out of as it is really very good…for now.
Anyway, I’m still feeling the remnants of my birthday high. From time to time though, the heartbreak still creeps in but I’m moving on very very very well. I’m 26, after all. High five naman dyan!!!
Categories: Reflective Judie