internal chaos

I always seek refuge from eating insanely when things are going and moving all at the same time. All that’s happening now is very subjective and by that you can imagine how relative it must be, considering the drops of drama I am able to pour in any situation. Don’t ask me to elaborate, believe me, you don’t wanna know.

They are all sorts of things and some of them involved a question of my self-worth. This day was particularly redeeming because I got to open avenues to prove that I’m not as worthless. I may have dwindled in the past but I know that little jolts about my capacity as an employee always wake me up just in time to prove myself worthy again. Well, I am not special but I’m happy that today, I was given opportunities to, let’s just say, shine. And I didn’t shine as yet, in full, but in the weeks to come.

In elementary interpretation, the moral of my drama is this: Always bounce back gracefully when your boss has caught you unaware of relevant items, and/or you failed to deliver the goods on time. It may be too smug but you weren’t there for nothing. You have something in you that you can use as tools to do your job correctly. Hmmm, this didn’t sound elementary at all. I may have a knack for figurative statements after all.

As for the other concerns, ah, I cannot write about them anymore. I have never been stressed like this since my father died. No bull. Of course, it is not the same intensity but I’ve been edgy lately. I know I have nothing to be afraid of and frankly I don’t feel anything negative coming, plus I’ve been praying a lot lately so I’m somehow treading the lighted path yet. It just feels weird.

Taking all of the above, I could forgive myself for devouring food like crazy. I’ve never finished a chocolate bar in one sitting in months, believe me. So I know something’s not normal.

Goodness, please please, can this stress only be brought by a possible inconvenient return flight to Manila from Ho Chi Minh? Or guilt over breaking my ceasefire on buying books (multiple offenses since last week!)? Or the hassle of returning to UP to catch the University Cashier and the Registrar?

I can’t believe I forgot about American Idol because everything’s just in a wild frenzy. 🙂

But I know I’m good. Sometimes I shouldn’t care this much. I work well (especially lately), I pray a lot and I have a lot of new books to get me by. Plus I’m beautiful. Hahahaha!!!

Welcome to my life. 🙂

Categories: Citizen Judie, Employee Judie, Reflective Judie


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