In times when I need a serious wake up call, trust my male friends to step up and do it, albeit unintentionally.
My childhood friend BW has been having marital problems and we, his band of loyal childhood comrades, were furious and concerned about it. But as non-cast members in a marriage such as his, we cannot push our sentiments just like that. I sent him an email last weekend, spilling my thoughts on the matter, carefully making it appear that I was neither imposing nor intruding. He replied last night and he said something about his problem and mine (so suddenly he believes I also have a problem!), and with what he wrote*, there I was crying buckets after reading it.
As they say, regardless of who said it, it’s very different when people hit that f*cking nail on its f*cking head.
And in this particular exchange, it was from someone who has known me since I was wiping snot off my nose using my shirt sleeve, whose opinion I truly value. He read right through me and initially, I hated him for it, but as minutes ticked by, I knew he’s right.
Then over lunch today, I was, let’s say, making an intro of something that’s been bugging me for weeks. Erwin blocked me off instantly (I was just starting!) and told me how I make too many problems in my life. That’s okay actually, until he got to the part about my having imaginary love affairs.
Ouch. And it’s the kind of hurt that stung too much because it’s true.
I wanted to ream him right there and then (the slang of ream, ok? hahaha) but restrained myself. It would require me to elaborate on these imaginary affairs, and I was not ready for it. Not in front of him. He would laugh at my face and that would be too much in 24 hours.
My female friends know about my (non)problem but since it’s easier to open it up to them, it’s surprising to hear your male friends shoot it right back at you, in its pure truth. They don’t sugarcoat words, in fact they have the natural ability to choose the exact words that would encapsulate what really IS the matter.
So okay, if only for this reason, the world needs men. However, most of the time, they’re not where you want them to be. Feel free to attribute meaning to that last line.
* He said he knows that the unbiased side of me totally understands his problem because we’re the same. He said I’ve been loving in silence, not just this time with this man (he doesn’t know him personally), but in the past years with other men. He added that he knows I am sad and impatient because unrequited love is very tough, but I should continue waiting because it will come. Like I don’t know it, you ass. Sometimes it just hurts when it’s too brutally told.
Categories: Friend Judie