Many things have been crazy lately. Thankfully, my (non)problem pales in comparison to what’s happening in my close friends’ lives. I feel bad about what they’re going through. Selfishly speaking, it made me see how trivial my emotional problems are. Trivial and shallow and self-centered, even.
One striking difference of friendships formed by adults from what was made in one’s younger years is that you are not obliged to share everything; information, details, specifics, everything is under your control, even if it’s toward your closest adult friends, because of something called responsibility for your actions. I can really see how the level of sharing is different, and as adults, we know that something is happening, but we can only wait if a friend wants to share a certain something. You ask, yes, but the last say on the amount of information still depends on the person. When I was in my teens, it’s practically a felony to a friendship if a detail was left behind. Much more when I was in grade school. Naivete may have been responsible for this, I guess.
That being said, I can only say a prayer for a friend who’s going through tough times. It’s been cliche that no matter how intelligent and strong-willed you are, no one is spared by the illogical lash of emotions. I’m appreciative that a friend shares but I also perfectly understand if she’s not sharing more. That’s what a sturdy friendship is, I guess. Like a loose balloon as your friend, you are just a witness to how he or she soars from one direction to another; when the balloon pops, you just have to be there to catch it. That’s what friends do, at the very least. You can dispense advices, you can try to provide enlightenment, but ultimately, respect for your friend’s decision is what matters in the end. I told you so‘s are definitely very easy to give out, but maturity dictates that it shouldn’t be done often.
In a gist, I want to pound my friend’s head with a hammer, and also the boyfriend’s, but the unbiased side of me understands her. I just hope I won’t have to come to that point, if and only if. When you love, you really go blind. Sometimes, you decide on certain things brought by the motivation to keep the one you love. Especially if there’s something that you think can be provided by another person, so much so that no matter how impractical, you will go for it, and you will find sufficient justifications for it. It’s a form of securing yourself by making sure that you will provide for the one you love, thinking it would keep him away from someone. Just to share, I came to a point when I felt so little because I don’t have a car. Now, it’s not solely about having a car, it’s in the context that I felt someone nabbed the one I want because she has a car (ergo they can go anywhere, and other related stupid arguments) and I don’t. I told a friend that that’s what probably our other friend feels. When you’re in that silly sphere, you overlook the fact that you are far more than that; you tend to highlight something shallow that you don’t have, and you make it the reason why you feel miserable. Lucky for me the guy isn’t my boyfriend (but hers, not that it makes a lot of difference), so the insecurity was washed away. But in my friend’s case, it’s her boyfriend, and of course, that gives her more reason to justify doing something irrational and impractical because it’s not just for the boyfriend but it’s already for “them”.
Then there goes my other friends who cannot have the men they truly care about because it’s simply impossible in the eyes of God (but take note, not necessarily in the eyes of the law!). As for me, well, I’m just plain stupid and crazy. And my advantage over them is that everyone in my playing field is single, and it’s actually acceptable and fair game to steal someone as long as there’s no wedding ring on anyone’s finger. Life should be filled with that kind of fun, as long as I’m young. I’ll just think about it when I’m in my thirties, the repercussions, I mean. Hahahaha! But no, it’s like abandoning my and Laine’s vow of never going after either a married man or someone who’s already with someone (but if the unmarried guy is unstable, damaged and messed up, it’s still a good kind of go — hahaha ang kulit talaga, Laine!).
At best, I wish everyone well…and on time enlightenment. We all deserve them. Life is too short to be spent badly.