This post may not bear much difference from my other blog entries. Except perhaps this was typed when I was a tiny bit sloshed.
Let’s see…I vowed to stop pining after a momentary confusion (see entry below this). I still cannot just laugh at it because I still have things left unsaid. However, when I accepted an “all-encompassing” apology, it’s tantamount to flushing all else I want to say down the drain. It’s still pride, I guess. I should be grateful there was an effort to bring it back to what it once was, even though face it, it will never be the same. Anyway, I am trying hard to just focus on “this is what we have”, no matter how small, how trivial, how limited, how shallow it is; I know it’s all I – we – have and I better guard it with care because it isn’t as strong as I thought it was before. This isn’t even about the romance fluff anymore; I accepted its fate, what just blew my top was when the friendship itself was threatened. Oh well, I’m going back there again and I know it’s futile.
After everything that happened, I take comfort in a simple realization that I was chosen to be put in the friendship “receptacle” because in the long run, without offense to other “receptacles”, where he put me in was the one guaranteed to last longer, perhaps forever. If only for that, I am happy.
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I was with two of my best girlfriends for dinner and even if we discussed it before, I never felt more determined to do the following: do what makes me happy, increase my feeling of self-worth, think positive and more importantly, do not take life too seriously. Four rather easy steps if only I change my mindset. Drama is all in my mind.
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A House/Cuddy fan created a gif image file of their kiss last episode. I get it, most fans are crazy in a fandom-mish kind of way, and I’m inclined to join their bandwagon when I see, say, a close-up gif image of House and Cuddy kissing with tongue. Some fans turned batshit crazy after seeing it; not me, but I liked it.
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James Morrison and Amos Lee, thank you for your music; keeping me company in these times of…sleeplessness. I am waiting to feel sober and feel sleepy. Whichever comes first will be welcomed with delight.
Alcohol and caffeine, with loads of cholesterol in between, could make me do this kind of thing.