Some of my friends have witnessed my shameless arrogance when I get mad. I am not easily pissed, mind you. Like some people, it takes one wrong push of a button to make me tick. I’ve been mad many times but tonight I noticed I changed. A bit.
See, I normally don’t react negatively when servers ignore me and my table while at a restaurant. Especially when I’m with people, and when we’re not in a rush, I completely understand why some servers would take too long, and I would just patiently call again and again. Tonight, something snapped, and it didn’t help that I’m running a fever. Plus they ignored us four times already. And by ignored, I mean acknowledged me calling them, nodded, headed off somewhere and went back a few tables before us, and stopped right there. Four times. I hate to admit it but I felt it’s because we look a little less financially endowed than the other customers. I can’t help it, we really don’t look rich no matter what we do, and most of the customers at that place do look like they are moneyed. It’s bullcrap but it happens, admit it!
But instead of storming to the manager and telling him my request-turned-objection in my usual raised voice, I still did storm, yes, but I only said a firm and stern statement about the poor service and what they should do about it, walked back to my table, and waited. Then not just one, but THREE servers came to my table explaining their side. It should be over by then, right? But I was already mad. Then again I didn’t say anything anymore. Someone gave me the bill, I paid it, they were apologizing, they were asking what to do with the left-over food, I didn’t do anything.
A big disgusting truth here is that my voyeuristic nature is very satisfied by many other customers watching that they were talking to me, apologizing profusely, and I was ignoring them the whole time. Bad, bad, ‘no?
In a way, I am proud of myself for holding out and actually not feeling the urge to verbally embarrass people. I had that shameful problem before. Lately, I felt like silence is more potent and gives them less leverage to fight back.
Anyway, when we left, I did not leave any tips (bad, I know) and tore the guest comment card to pieces. Yes, my evil side so enjoyed showing people how pissed I was.
While all of this was happening, I managed to scare our new househelp and made my Lola a little tense. I heard my mother tell them that I’m really like this and that it passes. Well, thank you, mother. I appreciate that you know this side of me. This kind of explosion, this kind of flaring up, is something that my mother said I got from my late father. What’s ugly is that when I get mad and flare up, I usually do it at one big go and after that, I feel okay again, and easily. Then I would be confused if other people aren’t over something when I already am.
It’s too narcissistic. Seriously, I don’t wish to condone any of it but I am already wired this way. This is me. Some people accepted me regardless of this ugly attitude. If some people can’t, it’s totally fine. For the benefit of my soul which is probably slowly roasting in hell as we speak, I will try to handle this better when a provocation happens again, and will always ask for divine guidance in acting much much more humanely when I get mad. For now, they are the only things I can do.