Never Again, But Meanwhile I Stay Put

When my circumstances are better, I am not going to endure something and somewhere again to the point where I resent myself like I do now.

What I allow people to see are that these good days are normal and blowing up is “just one of those days”, but in reality, it is the opposite. Oh the hatred and anger bubbling up everyday. I consider it a blessing that I can hide it well because I am easy to please and get very easily distracted (which in and of itself could also be a sign of something else more serious, but let us save that dissection for another day).

This is my bazillionth time expressing this and if you are one of those I let in in my carefully curated little circle, you can say this is true. Classic me and my cycle of armchair dissatisfaction because last they checked, I am still here.

We do not have a choice with the kind of cards we are dealt with in life. What we have is the choice of the kind of acceptance, attitude, and reaction to both unfortunate and amazing cards we get. Staying a choice. Leaving is a choice. Indecision to make a choice is also a choice.

And that, my friends, is where I am at. The best I can do right now is to make that promise at the beginning of this post. I am still fine. Languishing and burned out, but still fine.

Categories: Reflective Judie

Tags: ,

1 reply

  1. I guess we’ll always have that dissatisfaction but with it are the many reasons why one can’t afford to just quit. However, knowing that doesn’t make us less dissatisfied. I know it goes on and on but these are the few things in life that I believe we are still entitled to. Point is, whatever you’re feeling is okay and valid.

    This is the second time I come across the word “languishing” on the blogs that I follow. Funny how our vocabulary increases because we definitely have to have a word to explain what we’re feeling. Take care, J.

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